Super Villainy, Anonymous Style

Samantha Demetriou ⬥ 20 February


That’s my best attempt at transcribing a token diabolical laugh. You know the one: the slow, deep chortle that super villains emit just after they’ve unveiled their evil master plans in the movies.

It’s what popped into my head immediately upon reading Andy Greenberg’s recent Forbes post about hacker group Anonymous’ alleged plan to “shut the Internet down” by attacking the 13 root servers that form the backbone of the domain name system on March 31. According to a communiqué from the group, the attack is meant to protest “SOPA, Wallstreet [sic], our irresponsible leaders and the beloved bankers who are starving the world for their own selfish needs out of sheer sadistic fun.”

And then they’re going to blow up the moon! The moon is totally the 1%!

Remember the scene in the first Austin Powers movie, where Dr. Evil demands a ransom of $1 million, but then, once his henchmen inform him that’s not actually very much money anymore, he ramps up his sum to “one…hundred…BILLION DOLLARS!” [cue the pinky to the mouth]? That’s kind of how Anonymous sounds right now.

Ignoring the fact that, by announcing the plan this far in advance, Anonymous is giving groups like, you know, the Pentagon over a month to prepare, experts have actually pointed out that, because of the way the 13 servers are divided and configured, it would actually be next to impossible to successfully orchestrate an attack on all 13 at once.

Sorry, guys.

Then again, there’s always the chance that Anonymous chose the March 31 date, knowing the attack will not actually take place, just to set up a really elaborate April Fool’s Day joke.

Those crazy tricksters.

Tags: Andy Greenberg, Anonymous, April Fool’s Day, Austin Powers, Domain Name System, Dr. Evil, Forbes, hacker group, Internet, SOPA, the Pentagon

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