Samantha Demetriou ⬥ 26 September
First there was an app to help guys answer that eternal question, “Where the ladies at?” Now, for the truly socially unfortunate who can’t even seem to find a girlfriend using a giant digital compass, there is a brand-new service: FakeGirlfriend.co.
Remember that old line, “Yeah dude, I totally have a girlfriend. You’ve just never met her because she lives in Kansas/Canada/the Alpha Quadrant”? Maybe, just maybe, that used to work back in the days before the Internet or cell phones. You know, back when people used to “go steady” and “write letters.”
But now, in an age where your friends can demand that you show them your “girlfriend’s” Facebook profile on your smartphone to prove her existence, what can you do to avoid being called out on your ruse?
The answer (aside from creating a fake Facebook account using photos from the latest American Eagle catalogue) is FakeGirlfriend.co. Here’s how it works: You save the FakeGirlfriend number in your phone, and then send a text message to that number when your bros start demanding proof. FakeGirlfriend will respond with what it has determined to be a “girlfriend-esque” text, which I can only imagine reads something to the effect of, “Hey baby, you’re soooo cute! XOXO!! <3 ;)” About a minute after you receive the text, FakeGirlfriend will call you with a prerecorded message, and bam! Instant proof of your man-prowess.
Unless of course, you know, you actually attempt a conversation with the prerecorded message. But why would you? Girlfriends aren’t for talking to, they’re for displaying to your homeboys as trophies in homage to your epic pimp-itude.
The real hilarity for me here, even beyond the whole premise of FakeGirlfriend, is that the service uses the domain name FakeGirlfriend.co instead of FakeGirlfriend.com. The .COM domain was apparently not an option for the masterminds behind the service, since it was registered back in 2008. Currently, it resolves to CommercialArt.com. I guess the FakeGirlfriend inventors thought .CO would be a good substitute, seeing as how the Colombian ccTLD has been promoting itself as a viable alternative to .COM.
I believe that about as much as I believe the line about your Canadian girlfriend.